St. Anthony's Charitable Foundation, St. Louis, Mo.

Healing

by Karen S.

I lost my father to pancreatic cancer in 1954 when he was only 37 years old, and I was only 9 years old. Throughout my remaining childhood years and through my teenage years, I was desperately in need of grief therapy; however, bereavement resources were practically non-existent in the small town where I grew up. After my father's death, I developed a spastic colon and have lived with that all my life along with various other gastrointestinal disorders that developed along the way. A few years later, alopecia areata came along and claimed most of my beautiful, naturally curly, auburn hair. The only psychologist in the small town where we lived advised my mother that it was a delayed reaction to my father's death. My high school years are extremely painful memories due to my appearance and lack of confidence caused by my drastic, but thankfully not total, hair loss. Fortunately for me, one of my high school teachers suggested to my mother and me that I should wear a wig to improve my appearance which would greatly enhance my ability to have a successful career in life. My teacher's wife, who was a cosmetologist, did all the research, made all the arrangements, and they drove my mother and me to St. Louis to purchase my first hair prosthesis. From that day forward my appearance, self-esteem, and life changed drastically for the better.

In 1982, I lost my mother to lung and bladder cancer when she was 66 years old, and I was 37 years old. After my mother's death, I became very ill and depressed and began missing quite a bit of work. Once again I was desperately in need of grief therapy and bereavement services. By this time, I had lived in St. Louis for about 16 years, and even though my mother had received very good medical care at one of the local hospitals, no information was provided concerning any hospice care, nor any information regarding follow-up bereavement services.

A few months after I became a volunteer at the Fern and Russell de Greeff Hospice House and had visited patients on a weekly basis, I had an amazing revelation. From my first evening of volunteering, I felt very comfortable talking with the nurses and staff and very much at home when visiting the patients, their family members, and other visitors. Each time I left the Hospice House, I felt good about having visited and doing what I could to help the patients and their families. I also felt like I was beginning to heal after so many, many years of pain from my own personal losses.

In November, 2008, my husband and I were advised by my mother-in-law's physician that there were was nothing more he could do for her, and that her life expectancy was approximately six months. He suggested she go into a hospice program. She was 87 and had been battling and suffering with COPD and congestive heart failure for several years. We were also advised that she would not be able to return to the assisted living facility where she had an apartment. The hospital wanted to discharge her which meant she would have to go into a nursing home facility in the Belleville, Illinois area where she lived. Being a hospice volunteer and knowing what great care she would receive at Hospice House, I suggested to my husband and my sister-in-law that we try to get her admitted there. As she was an Illinois resident, there were lots of hoops to jump through and a lot of state regulations, etc., to muddle through. However, with the assistance of the social workers at Hospice House, the doctors and insurance company, we were blessed to be able to get her transferred to the Hospice House on December 10, 2008, and she received the very best care until she died on January 31, 2009. Having a family member at the Hospice House is, of course, an entirely different situation than being a volunteer and visiting patients and their family members. The compassion shown by all of the nurses, social workers, chaplains and other staff was amazing, and the patients and families are treated with the utmost respect and dignity. While experiencing the loss of a family member is, of course, one of life's natural, painful and expected events, where your loved one is and how they are treated and what kind of care is given makes ALL the difference in the world in the process and with the stress level. We knew she would be in good hands at the Hospice House, and we were very comfortable and did not have to worry when we could not be there at times during her stay there.

Being a hospice volunteer is a most rewarding and gratifying experience, and I feel very blessed and privileged to be able to serve, as well as participate in several other hospice and bereavement programs. In addition to being a member of the Life Review and Safe Space Camp Committees, I also serve on the Development Committee of St. Anthony's Charitable Foundation Board. In this capacity, I was asked to serve on the First Annual Golf Tournament Committee, and under the leadership of Bill Wachter, Golf Committee Chairman, we raised $36,000 for the Hospice House.

Serving as a hospice volunteer is a very important part in my life today. I feel very strongly about the Hospice House, and I am very concerned about the fact that it is not aggressively marketed and that few people in the community and surrounding metropolitan area are even aware of its existence. When serving on the Golf Tournament Committee earlier this year and contacting folks to play, sponsor a hole, and/or make a donation, I was amazed and disappointed to learn that few people are even aware of such an exceptional and spiritual place that provides such outstanding medical care. I, along with other volunteers, am trying to get the word out as well a secure more donations so that the staff at the Hospice House can continue to maintain the high standard of service and care that was giving when we needed it.